I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
