I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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