I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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