just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
