A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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