Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this hospital has no fireball
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
