Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
