Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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