Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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