He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
