Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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