Kareoke will never be a sober sport
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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