How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
