Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
