Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
