Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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