i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
