We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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