Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
