Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
