Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We need a shit load of segways right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
