Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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