If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
