Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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