It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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