I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
