I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's rum buckets o'clock
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
