Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
