i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
