U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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