Just fell off a train. Bad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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