I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
