Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
