She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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