He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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