I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
