Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
