This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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