If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
