Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
