She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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