It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
