Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
