Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
