He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
