I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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