is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
