I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
