how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
