I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
