i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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