When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
