i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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