I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
